KaibaCorp Shorts
by Alex aus'ri Kaiser
Summary: A collection of humorous anecdotes and short stories from Ari Yamada, KaibaCorp employee. Rated K for later mild cursing.
1. The Grand Tour

**Author's Note **– This is my first real baby! Please treat it with care. On that note, I'd like to dedicate this chapter to the girl who cracked up and told me it would be a good fanfiction – Claire! Enjoy it!

**KaibaCorp Shorts Chapter 1**

**The Grand Tour**

Walking down a hallway, Ari Yamada was being led on the "Grand Tour" of Kaiba Corp. HQ by a scientist who looked like he was in his twenties. Why? Well, only that morning had a secretary called (at 6 AM on a Sunday, no less) to say that she was to begin working on Monday, and won't you stop by this afternoon for a free tour of your new workplace?

So there she was, being led around. The building was state-of-the-art, she had to admit, but there was one thing bugging her.

"And here is the hall where you'll be working, miss…" the scientist trailed off as he stopped walking and glanced back at her.

"Oh, the name's Yamada Ari. And yours?" she replied after a moment.

He flashed her a smile. " Kiyoshi Akira. Just relax, we usually don't bite people before they've lasted a week at least."

"Your name…it literally means 'quiet intelligence', right, Kiyoshi-san?"

"So the Americans haven't ruined you after all! And drop the formalities. The only real two people who you'll have to be respectful to are the elder and younger Kaiba-samas."

She gave a nervous smile at this, and he turned away from her to continue the tour. The question in her mind continued to gnaw at her for another hallway and a half until it burst out of her.

"Kiyoshi, does Kaiba-sama have any special…rules?"

He stopped and turned around, wearing a somber look on his normally cheerful face. "Only two. And they are absolute."

Ari started to regret asking.

He burst laughing at the look on her face. "Relax! They're simple. Rule Number 1: Kaiba-sama is always right. Rule Number 2: If he is not right, refer back to Rule Number 1."

**Author's Note** – This will be THE longest chapter!…I think, with what punch lines I've found and liked. I actually had this written a long time ago…but I lost the first chapter (YES, I am putting all these little clips into a specific order), and so I simply could not post the story.

To all my GORGEOUS AWESOME REVIEWERS WHO I'M SURE WILL BE NICE TO ME – If you have any little humorous line that could possibly be worked into this collection…feel free to include them in a review!

Akira WILL NOT disappear into my brain! He shall return eventually!

As from the lips of Elvis – "Thank yew, thank yew, thank yew verra much.."


	2. The Memo

**Author's Note: **And I update! Amazing, ain't it. This is dedicated to all my faithful readers' (dwindling) patience.  
**Disclaimer: **If Yu-Gi-Oh! were mine, do you think I would have to publish this on the internet? Or maybe I AM Kazuki Takahashi, sending out all sorts of subliminal messages...NOT.

* * *

**TO:** Ari Yamada  
** FROM: **Lab Aide Ronin-san  
**Re: **Joke of the Week 

1) The Boss came in on Monday, fired three people, and hired Ari Yamada.

2) The Boss came in on Tuesday, pushed up the deadline for a project, and on the same day released Duel Disks overseas.

3) The Boss's brother came in Wednesday morning with 3 new people, and in the afternoon fired 2 of them.

4) The Boss didn't visit the Lab on Thursday, but the entire crew had pulled an all-nighter the night before to meet the Friday deadline.

5) The Boss checked the solution, didn't like it, and fixed it on Friday all before the demo of the new Duel Disks.

6) The Boss came in on Saturday, fired the idiot new guy who had screwed up the demo, and assigned a new project to start next Monday (due on Friday two weeks from last Friday).

7) The Boss fired his secretary, and his scientists got a day of rest.

**Open Response A: **Using this set of data, how long will it take Seto Kaiba to fire/kill off all of his employees?


	3. The New Position

**Author's Notes:****Lui Nahtzi** has made my day! Yes you may, yes! **coolBeans16** is very cool beans! J'adore! And **Thunderstorm101** is a genius who actually figured out a formula for the last chapter! Brilliant!

And now that I've sung their praises, a disclaimer, dedication, and devious chapter! (Hah! Alliteration!)

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! Only Ari! And if you steal her and put her in a story (without permission), I have a Pocket-Sized Lawyer™ (in new and improved Kaiba-strength!) that will TAKE YOU DOWN!

* * *

Ari sighed, and shivered. It was cold, it was dark, and it was raining. _I'm glad that The Boss is starting to have faith enough in me to assign me to this new lab, but…_Ari sighed. 

"Excuse me?" a brawny voice called from the gate. Ari turned to see that the security guard matched his voice in size and toughness. "You got business here?"

"Yes. I'm Yamada Ari. The new lab holographic imaging engineer?" she asked, slightly cowed by the behemoth's size.

He raised a bushy eyebrow before looking at a schedule and scratching his chin. Ari began to sweat in spite of her damp clothes. _If I'm not on that list, I don't know what they'll do to me! I don't want to get arrested for trespassing!_

The moment passed, however, as the guard gave her a friendly smile. "You're on here. Bit early, though."

Ari sneezed. "I try to be prompt."

The guard grinned at her knowingly. "A bit suspicious, don't'cha think?" His menacing stare bored into her. "'Cause if you're _not_ Yamada, then…" He drifted off, and she got the message clearly. She began to shake in nervousness, scared of what the guard had in store for her.

Unable to take it any more, she yelped, "M-my ID! It should be in th-there! Look, please, it proves that it's me!"

His face swelled, and for a second Ari thought he was going to scream at her. She was then completely taken by surprise when he guffawed loudly.

"Wh-wh-what?" she stammered out, confused.

It took a second for the guard to compose himself, and then he still had trouble speaking clearly. "S-stop! Really! I'm just kidding. You're on here, plus a photo, so don't worry. I was just having some fun at your expense."

She turned red, but in anger instead of embarrassment. Flames shot up behind her, and she seemed to grow huge in an almost anime-like fashion. "How DARE you make fun of me like that! I am an employee in th-this company-" here she sneezed again before continuing, "-and you pull this on me! I was just promoted to this position, which I have worked HARD for, and you-you-you-ARGHHH!"

The guard was cowering in terror as she ranted, and only uncurled out of the fetal position when she whipped around to face the street. She gulped air, badly needed after her rant, and the guard grinned sheepishly as he called out to her, "Um…I can open the gate now, Yamada-san."

She turned around, more composed than she had been a moment before. "Thank you," she said with a smile, "That would be lovely."

The guard entered something into the computer in the guardhouse, before getting out and gesturing towards the gate as it opened.

As Ari waltzed into the perimeter, still smiling serenely as if nothing had happened, she noticed a sign out of the corner of her eye that read:

**Trespassers will be shot.**

**Survivors will be shot again.**

_Ooh, scary._ Smirking a bit, Ari whipped her head around to face the building as she strode confidently towards her new position.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Poor guard…but he's a gorilla, and gorillas are nice, so he'll also be back! . 


	4. Taking Out the Trash

"This is crazy."

Akira grinned at Ari. "All in the name of science, right?"

It had been two weeks since Ari had moved to the new lab, and she had initially been glad to find his familiar face among all of the strangers. However, there were some…quirks…of his that she had not known about.

Take the current situation, for example.

"NO! Akira-san, this is not what Kaiba-sama requested us to do!"

"Ari-san! I'm merely carrying out our instructions.

Ari rubbed her heavy-lidded eyes. It was midnight, and the two had been ordered to dispose of a box of parts. Ari had been up all night the night before, and so she had just leaned against a wall holding the box of parts while Akira had picked up a few "essential tools" before the two headed outside to the incinerator.

And now this.

Gritting her teeth against a migraine that was hours in coming, Ari muttered, "This is stupid, idiotic, and time consuming."

Akira's grin grew even wider, as if he could smell her weakening. "Technically, we're still following orders."

Ari snapped. "WHAT DO A BLENDER AND A VIDEO CAMERA HAVE TO DO WITH DISPOSING OF OUTDATED COMPUTER PARTS?!"

Akira winked at her. "It should be obvious, my excellent-but-exhausted-friend-and-coworker! This can all be answered with one simple question."

Ari growled. "What?"

"Will it blend?"


	5. The New Character

WOW! I sit on my butt and did nothing for months and months, and then submit two chapters at once! I'm so proud of myself...sniff

All you faithful readers deserve a gold medal and permission to slap me for my laziness. XD

The last chapter, by the way, was inspired after watching the "Will It Blend?" videos at a geek camp. I actually finished this chapter before the other one, but didn't have the motivation to upload. Heh-heh...

Enjoy!

* * *

Phone conversation between Yamada Ari and Sanders Marie:

Ari: OK, I have now officially called you, Marie. What is so important that you have to leave 20 messages on my answering machine?

Marie: Um, Ari, you must understand-

Ari: Oh no. No you _don't_. I refuse.

Marie: Ari, Ari, Ari. I haven't even asked the question yet.

Ari: Nee-san, _don't_ try that with me. As your younger sister, I've long since recognized your "I-have-a-favor-that-I-need-you-to-do-even-though-I-know-you'll-say-no" tone.

Marie: I've been found out.

Ari: You bet your _kid_ you have. How's the runt doing, anyway?

Marie: Mmm. So-so. She's the reason I called, actually. You see, because she's not doing well in her new school-

Ari: Since when does she ever? You and Dan move around too much. Sasha can't properly adjust before you're packing again.

Marie: That's completely out of our control, and you know it. Anyway, I thought because she likes technology _and_ because you mentioned getting a raise and some more time off, then-

Ari: No.

Marie: But-but-but-she's always wanted to see Japan! She loves dueling! You can plop her into that public school with all the duelists in it for most of the time you're working! Ari, I'm getting desperate. I think she's getting into stuff she shouldn't, so I think she needs to be around a responsible adult, and I remembered you while poking around.

Ari: How nice that you gave up looking for a responsible adult to call me.

Marie: That isn't what I meant!

Ari: Marie…You've lectured me on grades, dating, marriage, and everything in-between.

Marie: Ari. This is serious.

Ari: So am I. Find someone in the States to baby-sit her.

Marie: …I can't.

Ari: Marie.

Marie: …I was so sure you'd say yes…

Ari: _Marie._

Marie: Oh dear. This could get ugly.

Ari: Marie, stop it. What did you do?

Marie: Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

Ari: _MARIE!_ WHAT DID YOU DO?!

Marie: …Be at the Domino Airport at 19:30.

Ari: …You didn't.

Marie: I did. She has everything that she needs.

Ari: I swear I'm going to…Wait.

Marie: …Yes, oh dear sister of mine?

Ari: What time did you say her plane was arriving?

Marie: 19:30 your time, why? You've got an hour and 15 minutes.

Ari: AGHHHH! YOU SCREWED UP SO MUCH!

Marie: …Wrong time zone?

Ari: Goddamnit, yes! It's 19:15! I'll never make it…

Crashing is heard, followed by a string of curses.

Ari: Marie…

Marie: …Yes?

Ari: …Do this again and I'll hurt you. A lot. I'll even take time off of work to fly to L.A. and strangle you.

Marie: Alright.

Ari: I mean it.

Marie: I love you, too. Goodnight.

Click.

* * *

19:31 Domino City Airport

Ari flew out of her car as soon as she slammed into Park. She blasted into the airport, slowed down long enough to check the Arrival board for and international flight from L.A., and hit high gear again to blaze down to Gate 13's Baggage Claim.

It should be noted that she did an amazing hurdle jump over 1 meter tall luggage cart, hurdling being one of the things she could never do in high school. She also never made it in American Football (which was required to be at every school she went to), even though she did a spinning dodge between two tottering old ladies that would've made any quarterback proud.

Ari skidded into Gate 13's Baggage Claim at 19:34, ignoring the many stares she received from children (and the resulting clichéd distraction by the parents pulling their children away from the strange woman in the white lab coat). Scanning the arrivals, she desperately looked for a familiar blond head amongst the throng.

"Looking for me? Mom pulled a dirty trick, I know." The familiar lilting Japanese behind Ari caused her to spin around on her right foot (once again to the delight of the remaining youth spectators, amazed at the athleticism of the asylum-escapee) in amazement.

Lounging against the far wall, Sasha blended into its blue underwater seascape with her black dress pants and dark blue T-Shirt. She got up from her casual position to pull her rather large wheeled suitcase towards Ari. "Getting a lot of attention with that coat of yours."

Ari looked at her own outfit in surprise. "Well," she attempted to say in a dignified tone, "it was the first coat I could grab on such short notice. I can't help it that I have a lab coat. I _do_ work in a holographic imaging lab."

Sasha gave her a sly grin. "Oh, you are _so_ telling me _alllllll_ about that. Later."

Ari gave her a sly grin in return. "Of course. Just as soon as we talk about your schooling while you're staying with me."

Sasha gave Ari an annoyed look. Ari smiled innocently.

She couldn't get Marie for doing this, no, not yet. But she would make sure that Sasha felt a small part of her wrath.


End file.
